Stoa #6 | 4 Social skills, that make you attractive AF.

Congratulations on trying to become part of the top 1% now, who constantly improve themselves mentally as much as physically 🏆
In the last episode, we already talked about how you should accept the fact, that opinions affect you and your journey. Instead, we decided to reflect on that and use that in our own favor. But how? How do you apply that to your own life?
To read the last episode:
https://wearestoa.beehiiv.com/p/stoa-5-friends-prevent-success-know-fix

(Free “scroll with purpose“ wallpaper at the end for y’all)

Introduction
The Art Of Speech

We all know it. The frustration of overthinking and being more in your own head than present in the current moment whilst trying to talk to others. May it be at a party, at your job or an even a family function.
You might wonder:

“Do they think I’m weird?”
“Am I talking too much?”
“How is that guy so charismatic?”

Now what if I told you, that there is a literal roadmap, proposed by Dale Carnegie in his book “How to win friends & influence people”, that will ensure you to become way more pleasant to be around whilst talking.

I will teach you the 4 most practical skills, that you can apply immediately.

Skill 1
Learn to shut up (sometimes)

You can make way more friends in a short period of time, by becoming interested in them instead of becoming interesting for them. You heard me right, it’s not that complicated. Giving people a feeling of appreciation by genuinely actively listening to them will automatically make you more interesting to be around for them. And on top of that, you will realize that people can absolutely be way more interesting than you thought if you actively listened to them.

Imagine you are at a bar, talking to a woman and she is literally cornering you with talking about herself. Somehow, she will turn the conversation
onto talking about herself every single time you try to share anything about yourself. Even if she was the most interesting person in the world, you will lose interest.

Now imagine talking to someone else, who actually listens to what you tell them. They laugh about your jokes; they ask questions andgenuinely interested in you. Suddenly the conversation is about you. 

Become person #2 and stop trying to overperform by demonstrating yourself like you’re some zoo animal.

Skill 2
Say their name

You got to acknowledge, that their own name is the most important and sweetest name people can listen to.
Make a Goal to say their names 3 times in the first 3 minutes of the conversation.

“Hey, What’s your name? Matt? Nice to meet you Matt.”
“So Matt”
“Think about it Matt”

Pretty simple, aye? Just that simple act of remembering someone’s name and addressing them that way is gonna make them like you and raise their attention to the conversation.

Not if you overdo it though. Don’t use their name in every sentence like you’re trying to remind them of what their own name was every 5 seconds.

Skill 3
Smile

Get rid of your resting b!tch face.

You see even when you might be the nicest person and wouldn’t harm any living being out there, your facial expression might be the only thing that your opposite knows about you before they decide to approach you. Even if you’re the one approaching, a smiling face will automatically make you more trustworthy and more pleasant to talk to.

Your facial expression is the threshold that prevents people from daring to approach you so put a little smile on your face when you’re out the next time. It won’t hurt and you’ll notice the difference.

Now some people are gonna ask “why should I change myself and look happy all the time when I’m actually not? I wanna be real I wanna be authentic.” Now to make it clear, I don’t want you to grin at every living being like a flight attendant but put some effort into it. Put some effort into appearing more pleasant by smiling just the way you dress to seem more pleasant. 

Skill 4
Give them a genuine compliment

Every human being loves recognition. That’s why we post pictures on social media. That’s our human nature.

Now approach this with an honest mindset and really try to find and acknowledge something you like about them. Don’t just tell her that she has beautiful eyes like the 100 guys before you did as well. Find something that you favor about them and let them know.

In fact, I want to challenge you. The next time you go out, I want you to approach someone and tell them “Hey, listen I do not want anything from you, but I just wanted to let you know, that you look very pretty today” and you’ll see them shine brightly across the rest of the day.

It doesn’t hurt you and they’ll remember you for the next MONTHS because as sad as it may sounds, we people have forgotten how to make compliments. Ever thought about how rare it is nowadays to receive or make a compliment as a guy? Although you’ll get plenty as a woman, how many of those compliments were given without the intention of someone trying to get you into bed or receiving a compliment back?

Extra

Now you need to understand that these 4 aspects are the most practical ones but not the only. In case you’re trying to improve your social skills far greater than in only 4 aspects, try checking out the book where I got these 4 skills from.
It’s a decade old but it’s relevance holds up more than ever believe it or not. Some of you may know it:

Summary

1.Practice actively listening instead of trying to perform well at presenting yourself.

2.Say their name: Try to say it 3 times in the first 3 minutes and when it suits the conversation.

3.Put on a smile every now and then to seem more pleasant to others before or during a conversation.

4.Give a genuine compliment after finding something, that you honestly favor about them.
If you do the challenge, Dm me a message and tell me how it worked out. (I read my DMs if they are genuine and not a “hey“ or “I want iPhone 14 pls“)

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Ps:
Here’s a little gift from me: Made a wallpaper to help you stop mindlessly scrolling. This one is for y’all active subscribers.
It’s all love 🙏🏼