STOA #5 Do your Friends prevent your Success? How to know & how to fix it.

Congratulations on trying to become part of the top 1% now, who constantly improve themselves mentally as much as physically 🏆
In the last episode, we already talked about how you should accept the fact, that opinions affect you and your journey. Instead, we decided to reflect on that and use that in our own favor. But how? How do you apply that to your own life?
To read the last episode:
 https://wearestoa.beehiiv.com/p/stoa-4-wrong-friends-find-fix

Introduction 
Pick your community wisely.

As described in the last episode, your Network, your community has a major influence on you, that is not to be changed. You can resist the urge to follow opinions often but only temporarily. Sooner or later your basic human instincts make you adapt to your community, meaning your friends and family. The people, you are around. That is a basic instinct, provided to ensure survival.

Now while that may sound terrible, its not. Infact it made us survive, us human beings in the wilderness. Yeah, cool good to know and now what? Now we’re gonna find out how to utilize that in a positive way.

So how do you use that for yourself? How do you apply that knowledge on everyday life?

Method 1
Build your garden.

The next time you meet new people, stop thinking:
“Will they like me?”
Instead think:
“Will I like them?”
Its really as simple as that. Do not overanalyze them but instead quit trying to fit into a group, you don’t know. If you know how to communicate well, you can be friends with anyone although you shouldn’t because then you’re an “enemy to yourself”

it’s still nice to get to know a lot of people and listen to them. A lot of people have a lot of interesting stuff to say but differ that from letting someone into your circle. Now it may seem comfortable to fit into that group but ask yourself first, “Do I want these people in my life or are they just better company than no company at all right now?”

Be yourself: Tell them who you are, what you do, what your REAL aims are and what your interests are. Do they respect you for these things? Or do they even look up to what you do? Or even better: Are they on the same journey as you?
Or do they give you a weird vibe for that? Are they incomprehensible? Are their reactions disrespectful?

Stray true to yourself. They don’t need to like you and you don’t need to like them. Wrong person, wrong community, wrong garden. Why prioritize these people over yourself? You’ll just look like a clown.

Method 2
Filter

Alright, this part will hurt.
You will lose a lot of friends.
You will gain even better friends.

It’s time to prioritize yourself over others. We tend to hesitate to do things, that are unusual like starting your own risky journey as an entrepreneur, influencer or athlete etc. . We fear to do things that others see as unusual. If they do not respect what you do or try to achieve, they may want the best for you but won’t know what the best is for you because they don’t want to see you fail. Then there are people, who simply do not want to see you win. The jealous ones. The lazy ones. That’s where you need to evaluate:

“Do they want the best for me or the worst?”
“Do they try to protect me or lock me up?”
Think back to older memories and evaluate:
“Does this person feel the need to protect me, or to hold me down?”

That criteria is your “filter criteria”. If they pass the criteria, there is no reason to feel any negative emotion towards them, but that doesn’t mean that you should listen to the advice of them or let them into your inner circle either.

Because the most important criterial of all is:
“Is that person at a point where I want to be?”
If not, you should be cautious of following their advice.
If they are and they feel the need to protect you, you should really evaluate whether their opinion may be true.

Trust the process.

Summary:

Method 1:
Do not try to fit into a group, you don’t know without knowing whether you truely enjoy their company or any company in general instead of none. Be yourself and be aware of reactions to your true self. Do not feel the need to be liked.

Method 2:
Filter the people out that want you harm
Avoid people that do not want you harm but still inflict it upon you. However, do not feel hate towards them. Actually listen to people who 1. Are already where you want to be and 2. Do not wish harm upon you.
Tell these people apart by this criteria:
1. “Does this person want the best for me or the worst?”
2. “Is this person at where I want to be?”